If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. – Lewis Carroll
Who are you now?
What do you want?
Two of life’s most fundamental questions. How would you answer them? Right now today. Do you like your answers? Do they put a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your heart?
Many women in midlife find answering these two questions difficult. We’re much more comfortable answering questions such as:
- What do others expect me to be?
- Am I meeting their expectations?
- What do they want me to do?
- Am I doing what my family, friends, and boss want me to do?
Those are different questions and NOT the ones I’m asking you.
Who are you NOW?
On the outside, you’re not the same women you were a decade ago, before kids, before this relationship or before this job. You have life experience. You have had losses and disappointments. You’ve had joys and experiences that have warmed your heart. You’ve made new friends and lost old ones and value those you’ve kept along the way.
Your job description and the roles you play in life are the outer you. This is how others see you and judge you. How about the inner you? What do you wish others knew about you that you are afraid to share for fear of being laughed at or judged?
- What makes you laugh?
- What do you value?
- Who are you at your core?
Nadia (not her real name) cooked her family’s favorite meals, she did the laundry and traveled to destinations chosen by others. She did what was expected of her at work. Although she worked hard, was well like and even excelled at her job, she was skipped over for promotion. Nadia was a good girl. She played by the rules, but the rules did not leave time or energy to be herself. She played it safe. At midlife, Nadia was disappointed in her self and her life.
What do you want NOW?
You know what your boss wants, what you kids want, what your parents and spouse want and even what your ex wants. You know what you should want, but what do you want? Amazing how many women I talk with have a whole closet filled with art supplies but won’t give themselves permission to draw or paint or knit. It’s like we’re being selfish for just taking time for ourselves. It’s been so long since anyone cared what we wanted, that we stopped caring. We felt, no matter what our age, that it was too late to make our dreams come true, so we stopped dreaming.
It’s like we’re being selfish for just taking time for ourselves. It’s been so long since anyone cared what we wanted, that we stopped caring. We felt, no matter what our age, that it was too late to make our dreams come true, so we stopped dreaming.
It’s okay. Dream big. Imagine you are a superhero.
It’s your turn now.
Getting in touch with who you are and what you want is not selfish. When did you stop dreaming? When did you cease to be yourself? Lucinda was a tall and heavy-set 8 year old, bigger than the average third grader. Her Dad was 6’7” so her height was natural. She was also good at numbers – math, arithmetic. She was clearly not like the other girls in her small rural town. She tried desperately to fit in but became much more involved in books and the fantasy world she created for herself. Was it in third grade when you tried to fit in? Or like another Lucinda did you try so hard to fit in to be like other girls that you lost a sense of who you were or what you wanted? At midlife are you just starting to find yourself? Or did you give up your dreams to support others in making their dreams come true? It’s time for you to get clear on who you are and what you want. Other’s will respect you for it. In fact, you’ll even respect yourself for it.
Who are you? What do you want?
If you like your answers to these questions, terrific! If not, consider that coaching can empower you to answer those questions and to believe that you are worth it. My coaching is deeply transformative allowing you to love yourself and love your life. It’s time to consider who you are and what you want. If not now when.
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