Like me, many of you were imprinted at birth that we are always to keep our commitments, no matter what.  I am a big fan of keeping commitments, however, some commitments should not be kept.  Is it time for you to break your commitment?

Did you make that commitment to completely revamp XYZ  or to clean out your ex’s garage and now realize that your commitment was a big mistake?  It sounded good at the time, but you had failed to take into account that no one else would support you and it was going to take ten times longer than you thought and on top of that you had some major second thoughts.  You’re feeling a big pang of resistance like you’ve been stabbed.  Is the resistance useful information letting you know you should say no to that commitment? Or is the resistance some form of fear or reluctance to get started on something we want?

Resistance may be your inner voice letting you know that this commitment is a big mistake or maybe not.  Your resistance may just be a sign that you need to buckle down recommit and move forward in the face of resistance so how do you know the difference/

Why did you commit?

Ask yourself why you made this commitment.

  • Is it out of misguided loyalty?
  • Is it out of fear if you said no?
  • Did you agree to it merely to please another or make their life easier?

If you have created a midlife manifesto or a clear vision of who you are, your values and what you what, ask yourself, “Is the commitment in alignment with who I am and what I want?”

  • If the answer is YES,  it’s time to recommit and refocus your energies on keeping your commitment.
  • If the answer is NO you might consider renegotiating the commitment.

Is it time to break your commitment?

You may realize that you made a commitment that no longer or never fit who you or what you want. It may be time to have a serious talk with yourself or with those you made the commitment.  Take the time for an honest discussion.  Either change the commitment in a way that is in integrity with who you are now and what you want or end it altogether.

Did you say yes to prove you are good enough or to please others?

Resistance comes when those voices in your head say no way.

You may not feel worthy or deserving of the commitment you have made even though you are quite capable of accomplishing what you set out to do.  Smart, talented women, in particular, are often afflicted with a form of self-doubt referred to as the Imposter Syndrome. 

Have you ever had a second thought, “What have I just committed to?”  Most of the women I work with tend not to believe how bright, capable and talented they are.  At the same time to make up for that feeling of lack they agree and commit to way too many things.  Maybe it’s time to take a look at what you have committed to and say no to those things you do not want to commit to. Then say a big yes to those things that you are excited about, that allow you to use your gifts and talents and at the same time give you a sense of meaning and purpose.

People pleasers and perfectionists often say YES when No would be a much better answer.  You’re a grown up.  Your yes is worthless unless you also have the ability to say no.

Is it time to break your commitment?

Your resistance could be your way of letting yourself know that you need to say no to this commitment.

If you’re facing resistance don’t assume you are just dragging your feet, you may have some very good reasons to renegotiate and make and keep commitments that are in alignment with who you are.

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