You’ve heard the phrase. Are you part of the solution or part of the problem? For years I was part of the problem. I played the role of victim well, complaining about the things that were not going well and then I’d try to make up for it by being the hero – the people pleaser kind that gets us into trouble, not the likable kind that leaps over tall buildings. On the drama triangle, we take care of everybody else except ourselves and then get mad because they don’t take care of us. How exhausting!
Blame and Complain on the Drama Triangle
When we complain, we are on the drama triangle. We feel at the effect of the world. We need to find other victims to keep us company. Misery loves company. Soon we think everyone is just as miserable as we are.
I even blamed my ex for problems that I realized years later were things about me I did not like and had nothing to do with him. Which I have since learned is a common problem in relationships. As a life and relationship coach, just getting each person to like themselves and take responsibility for their happiness is sometimes enough to get a relationship back on track. When we live on the drama triangle, we are never happy.
The Empowerment Triangle
There is another way. We can make the commitment to step off the drama triangle onto the empowerment triangle. For years, I thought that the only way to make friends was to complain about a common problem, after all, we were all in the same boat. But then that got old. The boat wasn’t going anywhere, in fact, it was sinking.
When we focus on solutions instead of problems, our “friends” who are also in victim mode no longer want to hang out with us. Misery loves company, so you may even find yourself very unpopular with your current “friends” if you decide to stop being miserable and start finding a solution. When we focus on solutions instead of problems, we have made a paradigm shift.
Be empowered. Be part of the solution.
Switching to a place of empowerment, a place off that drama triangle has not been easy. Friendships have changed. I still find myself having pity party moments and even a week or two on that victim place. I’ve found a better way. The feeling of being alive and energized comes from connecting and being with others. When we solve common problems, we become the creators of our lives no longer allowing others to control us or dictate how we should feel or what we should do.
I find myself at such a place of respect for those on the journey of personal growth and development. As a life and relationship coach, I’d love to support you in moving from drama to empowerment. Let coaching turn your dreams into reality.
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