Clarity, Confidence and Courage

How do we get off the treadmill of perfectionism, people pleasing, and procrastination to a place of clarity, confidence and courage?  Clarity and confidence in who we are and the courage to be ourselves and take authentic action.  What would it be like to live a life based on the joy of being whole and okay just as we are as opposed to the fear based place of not being worthy or enough?  We try so hard to hold it all together, in our relationships, in our careers and in all areas of our lives.  We fear that if people see us as we are they would not like us or they would fire us. 

We’ve read self-help books and we know we are supposed to like ourselves.  That may work for other people we say but if someone knew me, would they like me then? 

The Vision of Radical Self Love

My vision is that when we love ourselves just as we are, warts and all, we change.  We let go of fear.  We care less about what others think and more about what is important to us.  We are not afraid to be our authentic selves.  We are at peace with who we are and with our lives just as they are, yet we are drawn to find meaning and purpose to make a difference both for ourselves and in the world.  We see ourselves and the world and interconnected.  The world becomes our ally instead of our adversary. 

When we love ourselves,  we are able to be compassionate with both ourselves and with others.  We see others and the world differently.  We soften.  We allow the tension and ourselves to unwind.  We can relax.  We can be compassionate with ourselves and with others.  Perfectionism, people pleasing and procrastination are no longer necessary when we accept that we are okay as we are and we have nothing to prove to others. 

Self Love Is Tough Love

Sitting in front of the TV with a case of beer or a tablet full of solitaire games and a box of chocolate may be okay once in a while, but it’s not self-love if it becomes the only event on the menu, our primary activity.  When we love ourselves, we want to take care of ourselves.  We may change our eating or exercise or drinking habits not in a way that requires perfection.  But from the place of self empowerment of taking care of ourselves.  Of not taking the easy way.  Of looking at what serves us best in the long term.  

What does it take to go from Perfectionism, People Pleasing and Procrastination to a place of peace and joy?

There is no one right way,  no one way that works for us all.  In almost 20 years of counseling and coaching,  I’ve found that few people are willing to stick with the path.  Most of us want temporary relief.  We are not willing to do the work to get that place of joy – I’m not sure what drives some of us to go on the journey and for others to stay home, cozy and complacent?  Maybe it’s a life change, divorce, empty nest, loss of a job or other life transition.  For some, it ‘s just a wake-up call that seems to come out of the blue that where we are and who we are is not where or who we want to be.  

Personal growth, change and transformation all come from a place of loving ourselves, of knowing that we are worth more.  When we open ourselves to the power of self-love, we are on the path of transcendence of being our best selves. When we love ourselves we gain clarity, confidence and courage and we become powerful women instead of giving our power away to others. 



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