Extrovert, Introvert or Ambivert? by Amelia Barnes, Life and Relationship Coach, Indianapolis, IN

Are you an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?  Susan Cain in her book Quiet discusses that many of us are a mixture of introvert and extrovert – an ambivert. Until recently I thought I was an introvert. Now I know I’m a want to be ambivert.


Sometimes my extrovert side rules.  Sometimes, I just want to sit quietly with a book and a cup of tea.  The great ideas I had seem a little wild and crazy.  Like who am I to think I could possibility be so successful or that the workshops that sounded like a great idea yesterday but today?  What was I thinking?  I’ve learned to realize that’s merely a sign from my introvert side saying she’s ready for some recognition, some rest, quiet and some attention.


My introvert needs a slower quieter pace. The ebb and flow, our ups and downs are natural.  The trick is to see them for what they are.  Are we down or just tired or just need some solitude? Not judging but valuing the differences in our energy levels and our moods can give us a very different perspective.

Today, I have less energy than I did yesterday.  I’ll get some rest and I know that today or at least in this moment is not the time to make major life decisions.  Self-care is what’s necessary instead: read a book, work on an art project, meditation, take a bubble bath, and plan a low key evening.

I realize my introvert side needs extra care.  What a wonderful and different way of looking at myself.  I feel at peace.  My energy to write and do quiet tasks increases.

Beating ourselves up about how we feel is optional.  

Recognizing and honoring how we feel is a game changer.


Can we reserve some low key tasks for my low energy times or days and save high energy tasks for when our energy is higher.  Or in this case my introvert needs some quiet time because in the last week or two as I reflect I spent most of my time in extrovert mode.  I need the balance.  Sometimes I want my wild and crazy, talk to everyone I meet, to be with lots of people, and to let my bubbly, noisy side to come out.

Sometimes like today, I want to honor the quiet reflective part of myself.  I type with a cup of Earl Grey tea by my side, my laptop in my lap and my feet up on a pillow.  I enjoy the quiet.  I notice the shift in how I feel by honoring my need for quiet and reflection instead of beating myself up for my lack of high extrovert energy.

Extrovert, Introvert or Ambivert?

Some times my extrovert tasks – meetings, parties, and networking fall on times when I am in introvert mode and likewise my introvert tasks fall on days when I feel like pacing and getting out and talking with anybody.  Knowing that I will make time for both allows me to extend my introvert or extrovert time. Taking care of my introvert side is like nurturing a small child, knowing that she is loved and will have her time.

Recognizing and valuing the “and” instead of the “or.”  I am both introvert and extrovert instead of one or the other.  I am an ambivert.

Are you an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?

  • How do you respect and nurture both the high and low energy parts of yourself?
  • How do you use your energy and your basic nature to our advantage instead of working against them
  • Are you an introvert, an extrovert or an ambivert?

Most importantly, be yourself!




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