Do you live life fully present as a creator of your own reality or do you live life as a victim, at the effect of everything that is happening around you? When we live life as a victim, we sabotage our success. As a Life Coach, I empower clients to get out of victim mode. What is it like to be in victim mode? There are many ways to describe it. I think of living life as a victim as feeling powerless to make a difference, a sense of hopelessness, of feeling stuck or trapped. A victim like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh  who is well known for his grumpy voice and his pessimistic phrase, “Oh, bother.

Ten Ways to Live Life as a Victim

1. Blame others for your problems.

Don’t take responsibility for what is happening in your life. Victims don’t accept responsibility and blame others for all their problems. Victims never see their part in any problems.  Would you rather have Blame and Criticism or Joy and Happiness?

2. Procrastinate.

Don’t focus on what’s important. Spend your time doing what is not important and then get upset with yourself. Then spend your time scurrying around, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

3. Don’t take responsibility.

Victims always say they have to do something because they should or because someone made them or expected them to do something. No personal responsibility, are you noticing a theme yet?

4. Don’t take action.

Only think about doing things. When we don’t take action we guarantee failure by never getting started in the first place. Victims just think about action in their heads.  They don’t but their ideas into action.

5. Stay isolated.

Don’t reach out to others, make friends or ask for help. Staying isolated helps us stay separate from the world. Stay lonely and isolated long enough so that you feel the world is conspiring against you.

6. Don’t ask for what you want.

Assume that others can read your mind and will do what you want. Make sure you never give yourself the opportunity for others to give you what you want by asking clearly and directly for what you want. Continue to keep them frustrated and confused as they try to please you.

7. Don’t trust yourself.

Inside you is the most amazing GPS system in the world, your inner wisdom. To stay a victim, don’t listen to yourself. Don’t do what is right for you. Don’t trust your inner wisdom.

8. Spend all your time pleasing others.

People pleasers are seldom happy so this is a fantastic strategy for staying in victim mode. People pleasers actually drive the other people around them crazy by being clingy and having no independent thoughts of their own.

9. Be a perfectionist.

Make sure everything is always perfect. In fact be an even better victim by making sure everyone around you knows that everything is not perfect. Do not take action, any action until everything is perfect.  Can Perfectionists be happy?

10. Depend on others for your happiness.

As a victim, you give away your power to make yourself happy. You depend on others for everything. As a victim realize that you have given away all your power and there is no way you can ever make yourself happy.

Living life as a victim is no fun.

Being a victim leaves us feeling lonely and powerless and not very happy with others or ourselves. Victims drag themselves out of bed each morning.  Victims feel flat and trapped, stuck. I write this list in jest realizing that most of us have done and regularly do many things on this list. It’s never too late to stop living live as a victim and move from being a victim to being the co-creator of your life.

Reinvent Your Holidays with Love, by Amelia Barnes, Life and Relationship Coach.

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